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"Friends, neighbors, citizens of this fine establishment! Let me tell you what's wrong with our modern internet age... TROUBLE! Right here in every city! With a capital 'T' and that rhymes with 'P' and that stands for PRIVATIZED algorithms! But I'm here to tell you about a revolutionary new method, a miraculous innovation, using genuine, bonafide QUANTUM LANGUAGE! Why, it's my honor - no, my DUTY - to introduce you to the future of human enlightenment itself! Now, I know wh